This was originally written March 23rd, 2016.
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Stephen Alexander
Several people called me brave today. Brave because I gave my grief voice which struck me kind of as odd, because sharing my sorrow for me isn't brave, it's how I heal. There's a saying along the lines of "Shared joy becomes joy multiplied; shared sorrow becomes sorrow divided". It's not that I want attention, but just want to share because really what I'm seeing are that my experiences are not singular; they are very common and the solidarity I'm finding truly does help me.
Miscarriage and stillbirth are becoming less of a taboo to speak about and observe; maybe because it's just the season of life I'm in but it seems like just 5 years ago these types of losses were not at all on my radar. I knew they existed and happened, but it seemed as though people spoke of them in more of a hushed whisper. Thankfully I think the dialogue is changing and I think it's great, because honestly, for me at least, it helps. And if I'm not alone in my sorrow, surely I'm not alone in the healing process.
There are so many thoughts still racing through my mind when it comes to Stephen, so forgive me if this isn't the most coherent of things as I simply write what comes to mind.
The first is his name. There are very few names whose meaning I'm familiar with, but I do know the origins of my own name,"Stephanos". I've always known that it translates as "crowned one" but more recently listening to a sermon it was further defined that specifically it's someone who wears a victor's crown. It reminds me that even though death is a power and a force in this world; it has been defeated, that Christ has victory over death. The beautiful poetry of I Corinthians 15:55, "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?". Paul chose Alexander, and while his explanation to me was that he liked that it is a solid, strong name (which was pretty much the same rationale I gave for how I chose Mal's middle name), I also appreciate that the name Alexander often evokes images of a conqueror, someone who defeats his enemies.
I do feel some guilt though that he got a name and my first pregnancy which ended after only 7 weeks we simply refer to as "before" and therein the comparison and contrast between these two experiences is somewhat jarring. In February of 2012, I experienced my first miscarriage. After spotting I went to the ER, the doctors confirmed pregnancy and I even got to hear a weak, but present heartbeat that day. A week later though I went back for a follow-up and there was there was no more heartbeat. First trimester miscarriages are shockingly common. And knowing that others had experienced this and still went on to have children (including myself) brought me comfort but there was still a season of grief and bitter disappointment. My doctor gave me 2 weeks for my body to finish the spontaneous abortion process, which it did without further complication. A couple of months later, I conceived what is often referred to as a rainbow baby, and a sweet boy was born at the end of that year.
That loss, it was easier for me to grieve and my heart was rather callous as I didn't acknowledge the personhood of that baby. It wasn't really a baby, it had never really lived. I read so many essays on miscarriage and one that really stuck with me at the time was this one "Heartbeat: My Involuntary Miscarriage and 'Volutary Abortion' in Ohio" by Tamara Mann. In it Tamara writes about what are the markers for determining "the start of life." I still don't know, even after this later experience of miscarriage, but since my first in 2012 I became acutely aware that conception doesn't equal pregnancy and pregnancy doesn't equal a baby.
More recently, I read this piece entitled "How Abortion Has Changed the Discussion of Miscarriage". And I do see how the desensitization of abortion does shape how we think about miscarriage (it's quite evident viewpoints regarding abortion shaped how I mourned my first pregnancy). Mourning potential and what ifs is truly heartbreaking because there are so many unknowns to dwell upon. It's the loudest way we are reminded of how very little control we actually can exert.
As I said, I still don't have any definitive answers as to when the mark of life truly begins, but I do think what drastically reshaped my reaction was that this time there was no simply letting my body handle the situation and letting nature run it's course.
This time I had made it to the safety of the second trimester. I was beginning to gain back some energy, I had switched over to maternity pants, and one night I even whispered to Paul that I was beginning to feel the baby move; those first small flutterings I felt at night, recognizable now after experiencing them with Mal.
This time when no heartbeat was found, the baby measured somewhere in the 15th week as opposed to the late 6th/early 7th week. This time there was no letting me go home to let my body handle it, I needed to remain under medical supervision as the risks were now greater to my health.
The night of Saturday, February 14th, I cried because I had a feeling. The day before I had strong cramping and earlier that day spotting started. Sunday I took it as easy as possible, but still spotted and cried again that night, fearing the baby was lost. Monday night came and while I didn't cry, I was very acutely aware that for the past 4 nights, I hadn't felt that fluttering sensation. Tuesday morning found me at the ER, where I learned the awful truth as the ultrasound tech mutely took scans and measurements. My fears from the past few days at last confirmed.
There are so many small details I could get into, but they're still too raw for me touch, but my discharge papers from the hospital read "Normal Delivery". A first, as Mal was an unplanned cesarean delivery. Technically, Stephen wasn't far enough along to be medically defined as a stillborn baby; but being a baby was the respect and dignity he was treated with at the hospital. He was taken out of the room at my behest. Soon after a nurse returned and asked if we wanted to know the sex. It had been a boy. Even later, a nurse brought me a card; it had his weight, his length, and the tiniest but most perfectly formed ink stamps of his two hands and his two feet. 10 fingers and 10 toes, just millimeters big. It was after that I worked up the nerve to have his little form brought back into the room, the small body that I felt flutter. He was wrapped in a blanket the size of a washcloth, and topped with a matching knit cap. 10 fingers, 10 toes, less than 2 ounces, just over 5 inches long.
After seeing him, I told Paul the least we could do to remember him was give him a name, so we did.
There won't be a funeral or a service of any sort. We left his body at the hospital as at that point it simply was just a body. Despite not fully knowing him, he's deeply loved. His absence will be sharp again this summer, when, in a perfect, whole world, he would have arrived with those 10 fingers and 10 toes, and so much more. That perfect and whole world isn't here yet, but my hope for it has grown more than I can measure.
* * * * *I've been studying Romans recently and this past week I've been in chapter 11 where Paul wrote this wonderful doxology that has been speaking so loudly to me
Miscarriage and stillbirth are becoming less of a taboo to speak about and observe; maybe because it's just the season of life I'm in but it seems like just 5 years ago these types of losses were not at all on my radar. I knew they existed and happened, but it seemed as though people spoke of them in more of a hushed whisper. Thankfully I think the dialogue is changing and I think it's great, because honestly, for me at least, it helps. And if I'm not alone in my sorrow, surely I'm not alone in the healing process.
There are so many thoughts still racing through my mind when it comes to Stephen, so forgive me if this isn't the most coherent of things as I simply write what comes to mind.
The first is his name. There are very few names whose meaning I'm familiar with, but I do know the origins of my own name,"Stephanos". I've always known that it translates as "crowned one" but more recently listening to a sermon it was further defined that specifically it's someone who wears a victor's crown. It reminds me that even though death is a power and a force in this world; it has been defeated, that Christ has victory over death. The beautiful poetry of I Corinthians 15:55, "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?". Paul chose Alexander, and while his explanation to me was that he liked that it is a solid, strong name (which was pretty much the same rationale I gave for how I chose Mal's middle name), I also appreciate that the name Alexander often evokes images of a conqueror, someone who defeats his enemies.
I do feel some guilt though that he got a name and my first pregnancy which ended after only 7 weeks we simply refer to as "before" and therein the comparison and contrast between these two experiences is somewhat jarring. In February of 2012, I experienced my first miscarriage. After spotting I went to the ER, the doctors confirmed pregnancy and I even got to hear a weak, but present heartbeat that day. A week later though I went back for a follow-up and there was there was no more heartbeat. First trimester miscarriages are shockingly common. And knowing that others had experienced this and still went on to have children (including myself) brought me comfort but there was still a season of grief and bitter disappointment. My doctor gave me 2 weeks for my body to finish the spontaneous abortion process, which it did without further complication. A couple of months later, I conceived what is often referred to as a rainbow baby, and a sweet boy was born at the end of that year.
That loss, it was easier for me to grieve and my heart was rather callous as I didn't acknowledge the personhood of that baby. It wasn't really a baby, it had never really lived. I read so many essays on miscarriage and one that really stuck with me at the time was this one "Heartbeat: My Involuntary Miscarriage and 'Volutary Abortion' in Ohio" by Tamara Mann. In it Tamara writes about what are the markers for determining "the start of life." I still don't know, even after this later experience of miscarriage, but since my first in 2012 I became acutely aware that conception doesn't equal pregnancy and pregnancy doesn't equal a baby.
More recently, I read this piece entitled "How Abortion Has Changed the Discussion of Miscarriage". And I do see how the desensitization of abortion does shape how we think about miscarriage (it's quite evident viewpoints regarding abortion shaped how I mourned my first pregnancy). Mourning potential and what ifs is truly heartbreaking because there are so many unknowns to dwell upon. It's the loudest way we are reminded of how very little control we actually can exert.
As I said, I still don't have any definitive answers as to when the mark of life truly begins, but I do think what drastically reshaped my reaction was that this time there was no simply letting my body handle the situation and letting nature run it's course.
This time I had made it to the safety of the second trimester. I was beginning to gain back some energy, I had switched over to maternity pants, and one night I even whispered to Paul that I was beginning to feel the baby move; those first small flutterings I felt at night, recognizable now after experiencing them with Mal.
This time when no heartbeat was found, the baby measured somewhere in the 15th week as opposed to the late 6th/early 7th week. This time there was no letting me go home to let my body handle it, I needed to remain under medical supervision as the risks were now greater to my health.
The night of Saturday, February 14th, I cried because I had a feeling. The day before I had strong cramping and earlier that day spotting started. Sunday I took it as easy as possible, but still spotted and cried again that night, fearing the baby was lost. Monday night came and while I didn't cry, I was very acutely aware that for the past 4 nights, I hadn't felt that fluttering sensation. Tuesday morning found me at the ER, where I learned the awful truth as the ultrasound tech mutely took scans and measurements. My fears from the past few days at last confirmed.
There are so many small details I could get into, but they're still too raw for me touch, but my discharge papers from the hospital read "Normal Delivery". A first, as Mal was an unplanned cesarean delivery. Technically, Stephen wasn't far enough along to be medically defined as a stillborn baby; but being a baby was the respect and dignity he was treated with at the hospital. He was taken out of the room at my behest. Soon after a nurse returned and asked if we wanted to know the sex. It had been a boy. Even later, a nurse brought me a card; it had his weight, his length, and the tiniest but most perfectly formed ink stamps of his two hands and his two feet. 10 fingers and 10 toes, just millimeters big. It was after that I worked up the nerve to have his little form brought back into the room, the small body that I felt flutter. He was wrapped in a blanket the size of a washcloth, and topped with a matching knit cap. 10 fingers, 10 toes, less than 2 ounces, just over 5 inches long.
After seeing him, I told Paul the least we could do to remember him was give him a name, so we did.
There won't be a funeral or a service of any sort. We left his body at the hospital as at that point it simply was just a body. Despite not fully knowing him, he's deeply loved. His absence will be sharp again this summer, when, in a perfect, whole world, he would have arrived with those 10 fingers and 10 toes, and so much more. That perfect and whole world isn't here yet, but my hope for it has grown more than I can measure.
* * * * *I've been studying Romans recently and this past week I've been in chapter 11 where Paul wrote this wonderful doxology that has been speaking so loudly to me
Romans 11:33-36 (MSG)Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It’s way over our heads. We’ll never figure it out.Is there anyone around who can explain God?
Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?
Anyone who has done him such a huge favor
that God has to ask his advice?
Everything comes from him;
Everything happens through him;
Everything ends up in him.
Always glory! Always praise!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Easiest Homemade Liquid Laundry Detergent
I've been making my own laundry detergent for about a year now and I love it. Works great, can tailor the scent to exactly what I like, and it's cheap. And recipe I have using isn't terribly hard, but it yields 5 gallons at a time! Do you know how much that weighs? It's over 40lbs and now that I'm expecting again, I'm not lugging 40+ pounds of detergent from the kitchen down to the utility room.
So, I made some calculations and adapted the original recipe I used, to one that's even easier to assemble and only yields 1 gallon at a time.
Here is the original beastly recipe:
Not that tricky really, though the grating and melting of bar soap was a bit cumbersome. But they make LIQUID castile soap and I thought, wouldn't that be about 10 times easier to use than grating and melting bar soap into a liquid? It is a little bit more price wise for the liquid than the bars, but to me it's worth saving the time and effort.
There's a handy little blog post comparing and contrasting the difference of Dr. Bronner's bar and liquid castile soaps and the break down of soap content (1 bar roughly equals a heaping 1.5 cups of liquid soap).
So now, here it is the Easiest Homemade Liquid Laundry Detergent!
Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.
So, I made some calculations and adapted the original recipe I used, to one that's even easier to assemble and only yields 1 gallon at a time.
Here is the original beastly recipe:
- 1 bar castile soap, grated
- 1 cup washing soda
- 1 cup borax
- 35-40 drops essential oil(s)
- 5 gallons of water
Melt the grated soap in about 1 cup of water. In a 5 gallon bucket combine melted soap, washing soda, and borax, slowly adding water while mixing. Let sit overnight and re-mix as it will have settled. Use ~1 cup per load of laundry.
Not that tricky really, though the grating and melting of bar soap was a bit cumbersome. But they make LIQUID castile soap and I thought, wouldn't that be about 10 times easier to use than grating and melting bar soap into a liquid? It is a little bit more price wise for the liquid than the bars, but to me it's worth saving the time and effort.
There's a handy little blog post comparing and contrasting the difference of Dr. Bronner's bar and liquid castile soaps and the break down of soap content (1 bar roughly equals a heaping 1.5 cups of liquid soap).
So now, here it is the Easiest Homemade Liquid Laundry Detergent!
- 1/3 cup liquid castile soap
- 3 tbsp washing soda
- 3 tbsp borax
- 8-9 drops essential oil(s) - I use 9 drops of Young Living's Thieves EO blend
- 1 gallon of water
Add powder ingredients to container (in my case, old apple juice bottles). Add ~1 cup warm water, shake gently until powder is completely dissolved. Add the castile soap, fill about 75% of the way with water. Add in essential oils, shake gently to incorporate, top off with water. Use ~1 cup per load of laundry (I typically eye ball it, and it's probably less than 1 cup use, more like 3/4 of a cup).
Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Turbacon
So what started off as a kind of joke amongst friends, turned into an epically delicious dinner: Turbacon. That is basically a turkey wrapped in bacon.
Here is the original "inspiration"
But then I got to thinking, why not go big? This was the first time I've ever attempted cooking a turkey, and I figured I should go ahead and pull out all the stops.
So I bought a frozen turkey on this past Tuesday and left in the fridge to thaw for my Gospel community's big agape dinner that occurred today (Sunday).
I wanted to brine it for longer but when I pulled it out of the fridge yesterday it was still partially frozen, so at that point it got a nice cold water soak in sink for a few hours.
So while it was thawing, I got to work on weaving together some bacon for maximum bacon coverage of the bird. My go to brand of bacon is Wright. It's hands down my favorite bacon, and typically I'm a sucker for the Applewood, but I thought for being paired with turkey, the Hickory would be a better choice. Basically I laid out about 18 or so strips of bacon to form a rectangle with a L:W ratio of 2:1. Folding over every other strip and laying down more bacon, and pushing together to get a nice tight weave resulted in this:
I worked my bacon weave together on a nice big slab of freezer paper, then once done weaving it, sealed it by laying a piece of that cling wrap super seal stuff, rolled it up and put it back into the fridge. I was now ready to put together a brine for the bird.
After much internet searching, I landed on what is probably the simplest of brine recipes for my turkey (because I like to follow the Ron Swanson school of thought when it comes to meat). Dissolve 2/3 c salt and 2/3c sugar into 6c hot water, once dissolved add an additional 6c ice cold water.
I do not have a vessel large enough to submerge a turkey into, but I did however pick up a handy box of oven bags, so I put my turkey in one of those said oven bags, poured my brine into the cavity of the turkey, then worked with the bag until about two-thrids of the turkey was actually sitting the brine solution, breast side down. I was running out of time, and figured the breast was what really needed the brine in the first place, so didn't bother with flipping the bag or anything like that. I let this sit in the fridge overnight, soaking away.
Cooking day, had now arrived. I preheated the oven to 325 degrees. Removed turkey from brine and gave it the lightest of pat downs with some paper towels. Transferred turkey to new oven bag. Stuffed it loosely with stuffing (stuffing that also featured the hickory smoked bacon). Grabbed the roll of woven bacon from the fridge, unrolled and then pretty much just flopped it over top the turkey. If I was a little more hardcore, I would have also spiraled some additional strips of bacon around the legs, but I'm no Martha Stewart. I figured the two square feet of half inch bacon covering 90% of the turkey would suffice. Sealed up oven bag. Cut slits in the bag as per the instructions on the box of the oven bags, wriggled a meat thermometer in and put it in the oven for 3.5 hours. Maybe I should mention at some point I cooked a 13.5lb turkey, but I was looking to get the meat up to 180 degrees/the center of the stuffing to 165.
After 3.5 hours, I trimmed most of the oven bag away to let the turkey roast the last hour without as much concentrated moisture. Here's what that looked like after I trimmed away the majority of the bag:
As mentioned, the turkey roasted for another hour give or a take a few minutes. Really I was just waiting to get a good temperature reading in several spots to know that everything had been cooked through.
Pulled it out of the oven and tented some tin foil over it mostly because it needed to be transported, but also because all meats need a resting a period between being pulled from their heat source and carving, and I didn't want it to cool down too much.
And here is what it looked like right before it was carved up for the serving platter:
Overall, I'd say this was a pretty darn successful first attempt at making a turkey (I did apparently neglect to remove a bag containing the offal of the turkey from the neck cavity, but that's a common rookie mistake right?). The meat came out very moist and had some nice smokey undertones to it. I am also now no longer intimidated by the prospect of cooking a turkey. Multitasking a whole Thanksgiving meal is still probably out my reach, but at least I know I can pull out this show stopper.
Here is the original "inspiration"
 | ||
| popular image that has been making the rounds on the interwebz |
So I bought a frozen turkey on this past Tuesday and left in the fridge to thaw for my Gospel community's big agape dinner that occurred today (Sunday).
I wanted to brine it for longer but when I pulled it out of the fridge yesterday it was still partially frozen, so at that point it got a nice cold water soak in sink for a few hours.
So while it was thawing, I got to work on weaving together some bacon for maximum bacon coverage of the bird. My go to brand of bacon is Wright. It's hands down my favorite bacon, and typically I'm a sucker for the Applewood, but I thought for being paired with turkey, the Hickory would be a better choice. Basically I laid out about 18 or so strips of bacon to form a rectangle with a L:W ratio of 2:1. Folding over every other strip and laying down more bacon, and pushing together to get a nice tight weave resulted in this:
 |
| two square feet of mouth-joy |
I worked my bacon weave together on a nice big slab of freezer paper, then once done weaving it, sealed it by laying a piece of that cling wrap super seal stuff, rolled it up and put it back into the fridge. I was now ready to put together a brine for the bird.
After much internet searching, I landed on what is probably the simplest of brine recipes for my turkey (because I like to follow the Ron Swanson school of thought when it comes to meat). Dissolve 2/3 c salt and 2/3c sugar into 6c hot water, once dissolved add an additional 6c ice cold water.
I do not have a vessel large enough to submerge a turkey into, but I did however pick up a handy box of oven bags, so I put my turkey in one of those said oven bags, poured my brine into the cavity of the turkey, then worked with the bag until about two-thrids of the turkey was actually sitting the brine solution, breast side down. I was running out of time, and figured the breast was what really needed the brine in the first place, so didn't bother with flipping the bag or anything like that. I let this sit in the fridge overnight, soaking away.
Cooking day, had now arrived. I preheated the oven to 325 degrees. Removed turkey from brine and gave it the lightest of pat downs with some paper towels. Transferred turkey to new oven bag. Stuffed it loosely with stuffing (stuffing that also featured the hickory smoked bacon). Grabbed the roll of woven bacon from the fridge, unrolled and then pretty much just flopped it over top the turkey. If I was a little more hardcore, I would have also spiraled some additional strips of bacon around the legs, but I'm no Martha Stewart. I figured the two square feet of half inch bacon covering 90% of the turkey would suffice. Sealed up oven bag. Cut slits in the bag as per the instructions on the box of the oven bags, wriggled a meat thermometer in and put it in the oven for 3.5 hours. Maybe I should mention at some point I cooked a 13.5lb turkey, but I was looking to get the meat up to 180 degrees/the center of the stuffing to 165.
After 3.5 hours, I trimmed most of the oven bag away to let the turkey roast the last hour without as much concentrated moisture. Here's what that looked like after I trimmed away the majority of the bag:
 | ||||||
| the seam where the two squares meet are pulling apart a bit, but bacon coverage is still very good |
Pulled it out of the oven and tented some tin foil over it mostly because it needed to be transported, but also because all meats need a resting a period between being pulled from their heat source and carving, and I didn't want it to cool down too much.
And here is what it looked like right before it was carved up for the serving platter:
 |
| your mouth is watering, isn't it? |
Overall, I'd say this was a pretty darn successful first attempt at making a turkey (I did apparently neglect to remove a bag containing the offal of the turkey from the neck cavity, but that's a common rookie mistake right?). The meat came out very moist and had some nice smokey undertones to it. I am also now no longer intimidated by the prospect of cooking a turkey. Multitasking a whole Thanksgiving meal is still probably out my reach, but at least I know I can pull out this show stopper.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Stitch Fix #1
I celebrated a weight loss milestone this week by getting my very first Stitch Fix (link will take you to their FAQ where they can explain better what exactly the service is).
My happy, shiny box arrived late Thursday afternoon:
Everything was neatly wrapped in tissue paper, so it was fun unwrapping each little parcel to discover my five things.
To be honest, initially, I was feeling a little underwhelmed. But I'll break it down piece by piece.
I put it on. Felt very soft, was nice and warm. Good piece, as I feel like this was included after I added a note to my file mentioning that I'd be moving to Michigan in a few weeks and I would like some things to help me stay warm. But I was still on the fence. Then I tried it on for Paul. And he liked it. So you know what happened next? I started to like it even more.
I know I need some help with this whole belting open cardigan thing (I've seen it done, but I feel like every time I attempt it, it doesn't work just right... I mean, what's pictured above isn't bad, but I still feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong).
I really like the knit pattern that the central panel is made up of, but I found the sleeves odd when not cuffed to my elbow and Paul didn't like this massive chunky seam that runs down the back of it. And the final factor, this cotton sweater was priced more like a cashmere one, so
Twice looks crazy, thrice looks and feels like I'm in a neck brace. Honestly, if this thing hadn't had it's ends serged together, it would have had a different ending.
The jeans are a pretty basic thing, so my main concern was whether or not they would actually fit. As you can quickly see, there is no picture of me actually in the jeans, because alas, they did not fit.
This is my big complaint that I think Stitch Fix should address: they should ask for actual inch/centimeter measurements to help determine correct fit before heartbreak like this occurs. My pants size is all over the place depending on the cut of pants and who makes them (thanks vanity sizing for making everyone feel better, but actually leaving us more confused than ever).
I especially liked that these jeans were made in the US (maybe I should look to see if I can buy them through other channels), that they were going to be an instant staple and I could finally retire my Old Navy Rockstar grey jeans that are too big and annoying to wear, but I keep wearing them because they are gray and skinny.
It is a little shorter than what I'm normally wear, but it's not immodest by any stretch it's just a big step outside of normal comfort zone, but the fit is impeccable and it's very comfy and cozy material wise. Also scored some major brownie points for being made in the US.
If you want to sign-up (sign-up is free!), try out the style profile, you can also be super awesome by using this link, which shows me as referring you to Stitch Fix and if someday down the road you decide to get a Fix, I'll get some credit (and then can get a fix too ;-) )
My happy, shiny box arrived late Thursday afternoon:
 |
| happy, shiny box! |
 | ||
| guide with suggestions as to how to incorporate pieces into wardrobe and style them |
 |
| 41 Hawthorn Turquoise Scarf; Just Black Grey Jeans; RD Style Black Cardigan |
 |
| Ravel Red Sweater |
 |
| Renee C Off White Dress |
Black Diandra Chunky Knit Open Cardigan by RD Style
I already have several open style cardigans (and then several more other cardigans) so I was going to have to be wowed I thought for me to be able to consider buying it. This was a piece that I was able to get a sneak peek of thanks to the wonders of Google (this is what I found, which incidentally is the same styling card I got with the cardigan). I didn't dislike, it just was about the cardigan equivalent of Ann Veal.I put it on. Felt very soft, was nice and warm. Good piece, as I feel like this was included after I added a note to my file mentioning that I'd be moving to Michigan in a few weeks and I would like some things to help me stay warm. But I was still on the fence. Then I tried it on for Paul. And he liked it. So you know what happened next? I started to like it even more.
 |
| Layered over a typical Steph outfit of a solid knit cotton shirt and denim jean |
Status: KEEPER
Red Erika Mixed Knit Crew Neck Sweater by Ravel
The sweater had received a "not buy" status from another girl, who pointed out that the detailing around the hem just drew attention the hip region... so I wasn't expecting to like it either as a fellow hippy lady. | |
| followed the styling guide by putting a T underneath and rolling up the sleeves |
Status: SENT BACK
Turquoise Underwood Fair Isle Knit Infinity Scarf by 41Hawthorn
I really like scarves. But to be honest, infinity style scarves confuse me. I just don't get them. Infinity cowls, I get (I have one that I crocheted last winter), but the scarves just throw me for a loop and I don't know how to wear them. |
| left: looped around twice; right: looped around thrice as my style card said I should do |
Staus: SENT BACK
Grey Adora Skinny Jeans by Just Black
The jeans are a pretty basic thing, so my main concern was whether or not they would actually fit. As you can quickly see, there is no picture of me actually in the jeans, because alas, they did not fit.
This is my big complaint that I think Stitch Fix should address: they should ask for actual inch/centimeter measurements to help determine correct fit before heartbreak like this occurs. My pants size is all over the place depending on the cut of pants and who makes them (thanks vanity sizing for making everyone feel better, but actually leaving us more confused than ever).
I especially liked that these jeans were made in the US (maybe I should look to see if I can buy them through other channels), that they were going to be an instant staple and I could finally retire my Old Navy Rockstar grey jeans that are too big and annoying to wear, but I keep wearing them because they are gray and skinny.
Status: SENT BACK
Off White Enrique French Terry Fit & Flare Dress by Renee C
This is the piece I was most excited for. And it did not disappoint. I was taken aback a little by the stripes (I'm trying not to add any more striped things to my wardrobe as I already have many striped tops), as I was hoping it would be something that could be a bit more dressy, but it's still an incredibly versatile little dress. |
| so, I'm already planning on wearing this to MOPS on Monday; styled with denim blazer, orange scarf, black tights, and black boots |
 | ||
| styled with long beaded necklace, skinny belt, green tights, and black ballet flats |
Status: KEEPER
Overall, I enjoyed the experience. I think that I set my expectations too high for this first fix (your stylist gets better the more feedback they are given, so it only makes sense that subsequent fixes will get better as you interact more by trying on pieces and sharing why you liked/disliked them), and I would definitely give a whirl again sometime down the line. I don't think I'd be willing to sign-up for the auto every month level as this was a bit of an investment (read: more money than what I'm typically spending at Old Navy, GAP, or American Eagle), but I think maybe for birthdays, or letting it be a special treat, it's a fun way to shop and maybe branch out a little.
If you want to sign-up (sign-up is free!), try out the style profile, you can also be super awesome by using this link, which shows me as referring you to Stitch Fix and if someday down the road you decide to get a Fix, I'll get some credit (and then can get a fix too ;-) )
Saturday, September 21, 2013
When Being A Sheep Is OK
This past week at church the sermon focused on Andrew. The context of the sermon was more along the lines of how Andrew shared his faith, not with rhetoric or apologetics but simply by having so much excitement over having found Messiah, he physically took people to meet Jesus. It's interesting to think about and if you want to check out the sermon you can do so here, but it got me thinking about Andrew in that he was one of the very first disciples. And thanks to his excitement he dragged his brother Cephas (better known as Simon-Peter) out to meet and listen to Jesus.
So when I watched this TED talk a few days later, you can see how my mind instantly thought of Andrew.
A leader is only a leader when he has a follower, and as Derek quickly points out in the video, the first follower is really a leader in their own right.
This point is truly a great jumping off point for so many other related discussions, but one area I want to expound upon more ties back to something that has been making the rounds these days on several social media sites, an article titled Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy.
I'm a part of Generation Y and my guess is that you reader are or at least know someone who is also apart of this generation. And it's true, we were all told that we are each special and destined for greatness. But here's the thing. That's not really possible (well, it depends on how you define greatness, but you get the gist of it).
I will admit, I am very fuzzy on it these days, but I remember watching Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead in high school and it left a big impression on me. It left me wondering, "What's wrong with being a supporting character?" You see, I grew up being told I was the star, the lead character. My story was the one worth reading or watching. But what did that mean for others in my life? That they simply are supporting characters? Or was it that I was a simply a supporting character in their story?
Simply put, we can't all be the President. It doesn't mean that we can't aspire to these things, but we need to keep expectations in a healthy check.
So, how does an early disciple of Christ, a basic model for starting a movement, and the disillusionment of a generation tie together?
I have the radical notion that I want to teach my son to be a follower.
Perhaps to make this less inflammatory I should add that I want him to be a discerning follower.
I hold a certain disdain and contempt for sheeple, but there's a world of difference in weighing the truth from several angles and deciding a course of action than just doing what everyone else is doing.
So the question is how do I teach that balance of knowing when to forge ahead as that first lone nut and when it is better to yield and support someone else in an endeavor turning a lone nut into a leader?
So when I watched this TED talk a few days later, you can see how my mind instantly thought of Andrew.
A leader is only a leader when he has a follower, and as Derek quickly points out in the video, the first follower is really a leader in their own right.
This point is truly a great jumping off point for so many other related discussions, but one area I want to expound upon more ties back to something that has been making the rounds these days on several social media sites, an article titled Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy.
I'm a part of Generation Y and my guess is that you reader are or at least know someone who is also apart of this generation. And it's true, we were all told that we are each special and destined for greatness. But here's the thing. That's not really possible (well, it depends on how you define greatness, but you get the gist of it).
I will admit, I am very fuzzy on it these days, but I remember watching Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead in high school and it left a big impression on me. It left me wondering, "What's wrong with being a supporting character?" You see, I grew up being told I was the star, the lead character. My story was the one worth reading or watching. But what did that mean for others in my life? That they simply are supporting characters? Or was it that I was a simply a supporting character in their story?
Simply put, we can't all be the President. It doesn't mean that we can't aspire to these things, but we need to keep expectations in a healthy check.
So, how does an early disciple of Christ, a basic model for starting a movement, and the disillusionment of a generation tie together?
I have the radical notion that I want to teach my son to be a follower.
Perhaps to make this less inflammatory I should add that I want him to be a discerning follower.
I hold a certain disdain and contempt for sheeple, but there's a world of difference in weighing the truth from several angles and deciding a course of action than just doing what everyone else is doing.
So the question is how do I teach that balance of knowing when to forge ahead as that first lone nut and when it is better to yield and support someone else in an endeavor turning a lone nut into a leader?
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
When I'm Only A Human in His Eyes
This is me and Tadpole on Mother's Day this past year:
Isn't he cute? (and yes, I'm going to be one of those types that refers to him by a codename, because the poor kid is already losing a ton of privacy at my doing) Tadpole's awesome. He's truly a blessing to Paul and me and we're incredibly grateful that we get to be his parents. All sorts of new things come along with parenthood as we are learning.
This past week at church the sermon dealt with parenting. So that's been on my mind. So has the idea of failure. I've been thinking about failure a lot because I have a very strong fear of it, and it often hinders me from attempting new things (but that's a whole other story for a whole other day). And I was rolling around these two ideas in my head, they collided in one rather sad truth -- one day I will fail my son.
It isn't a matter of if, it's a matter of when, because a day will come when I will mess up and he'll be able to call me out on it. As of right now, I'm able to get away with a bit because he frankly doesn't know any better, nor does he have the communication skills required to convey any understanding of how I might be letting him down... well, that's not entirely true, he sure let me know that one time when I took off a little bit of finger tip while trying to clip his nails.
And while there
is a lot of joking in our home of Mommy-Fails and Daddy-Fails as we
trial and error some things, those are the things that make me question my ability to parent.
We can all remember back to when we were young and our own parents went from infallible pillars to humans who mess up. For me, it was when I was about 9 and my parents informed my brother and I of their divorce. Looking back, that's when I began to realize that my parents weren't perfect (still aren't) and that try as they might, they are simply humans who sometimes make terrible decisions, can use poor judgement, or just be downright foolish. I'm capable of all those things as well.
So knowing that I'm not perfect, I began to wonder what will it be, that will someday show Tadpole, that I too am simply a human.
Will there be a moment where I mismanage my emotions and yell at him in anger?
Will I make a decision that leads down a more troublesome path than necessary?
Could there be habits or behaviors that I unintentionally foster in him that are not favorable?
I'm not sure. Heck, it could be something as simple as me having to parallel park one day and him realizing it shouldn't take four tries only to end up 18 inches away from the curb. I do know, however, that there is some truth behind the Boy Scout motto of "always be prepared" in that, sometimes it's good to plan for a worst-case scenario:
 |
| Tadpole and Mommy rocking stripes and anchors. |
Isn't he cute? (and yes, I'm going to be one of those types that refers to him by a codename, because the poor kid is already losing a ton of privacy at my doing) Tadpole's awesome. He's truly a blessing to Paul and me and we're incredibly grateful that we get to be his parents. All sorts of new things come along with parenthood as we are learning.
This past week at church the sermon dealt with parenting. So that's been on my mind. So has the idea of failure. I've been thinking about failure a lot because I have a very strong fear of it, and it often hinders me from attempting new things (but that's a whole other story for a whole other day). And I was rolling around these two ideas in my head, they collided in one rather sad truth -- one day I will fail my son.
It isn't a matter of if, it's a matter of when, because a day will come when I will mess up and he'll be able to call me out on it. As of right now, I'm able to get away with a bit because he frankly doesn't know any better, nor does he have the communication skills required to convey any understanding of how I might be letting him down... well, that's not entirely true, he sure let me know that one time when I took off a little bit of finger tip while trying to clip his nails.
| (*not Tadpole, but one of the many things I chuckle at on a website I often waste time on) |
We can all remember back to when we were young and our own parents went from infallible pillars to humans who mess up. For me, it was when I was about 9 and my parents informed my brother and I of their divorce. Looking back, that's when I began to realize that my parents weren't perfect (still aren't) and that try as they might, they are simply humans who sometimes make terrible decisions, can use poor judgement, or just be downright foolish. I'm capable of all those things as well.
So knowing that I'm not perfect, I began to wonder what will it be, that will someday show Tadpole, that I too am simply a human.
Will there be a moment where I mismanage my emotions and yell at him in anger?
Will I make a decision that leads down a more troublesome path than necessary?
Could there be habits or behaviors that I unintentionally foster in him that are not favorable?
I'm not sure. Heck, it could be something as simple as me having to parallel park one day and him realizing it shouldn't take four tries only to end up 18 inches away from the curb. I do know, however, that there is some truth behind the Boy Scout motto of "always be prepared" in that, sometimes it's good to plan for a worst-case scenario:
 |
| (umm, seriously, why did no one get me this book?) |
Those three questions above reflect three of the more serious ways I fear I may someday fail as a parent. Joking aside from other worst-case parenting scenarios like what to do when there are no more clean diapers, I think it's good to think out what would I do in those moments because, having a rough outline of what might happen helps when you may actually face that situation (ask me some time about the sovereignty in play when I had my Tommy Boy incident).
I won't delve into each of those specific topics at this time, but I will say one thing that will help me deal with future parenting fails is by establishing a home that relies on and reflects grace. My hope is that we as parents will talk and share, openly and honestly, about what is important and even more so, we will demonstrate it by how we act. And grace is by far is greatest gift we have been blessed with (yes, even more so than our handsome little fellow). I hope that when Tadpole sees me mess up, after he calls me out on in, he will extend grace to me because he's seen and experienced grace himself.
I won't delve into each of those specific topics at this time, but I will say one thing that will help me deal with future parenting fails is by establishing a home that relies on and reflects grace. My hope is that we as parents will talk and share, openly and honestly, about what is important and even more so, we will demonstrate it by how we act. And grace is by far is greatest gift we have been blessed with (yes, even more so than our handsome little fellow). I hope that when Tadpole sees me mess up, after he calls me out on in, he will extend grace to me because he's seen and experienced grace himself.
Renaissance (once more with feeling)
Hello, internet world. I have returned yet again to the blogosphere because, let's face it, I function better when I can thought spew on occasion. Otherwise it all bottles up and then crazy meltdowns occur. I'm not going to do any sort of retrospective and wax nostalgic about what's been keeping me so darn occupied these past few years as I figure over the course of regularly writing, things will eventually make sense.
So I'll keep this post brief and then write one additional post today that is some what focused (and spoiler, does fill in one big answer as to what's been occupying my time).
Anyway, it feels good to be typing something more than 140 characters.
So I'll keep this post brief and then write one additional post today that is some what focused (and spoiler, does fill in one big answer as to what's been occupying my time).
Anyway, it feels good to be typing something more than 140 characters.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Lost: Pieces & Players
Every character on Lost is either a player or piece (with a few exceptions of some being both pieces and players). This is just my rough break down of who is playing who and what team they are playing for.
Benjamin Linus - Ben's end goal seems to be to get back to the island, regardless of Jacob's intentions or anyone else, so in that vein he is using the Oceanic 6 and Bentham to get back there. Later on in the season, once he's back on the island, Locke-Incarnate with the aid of Smokey-Alex manipulate Ben into 1) not kill Locke-Incarnate and to 2) kill Jacob. Being convinced into killing Jacob, it seems as though Ben is playing for/manipulated by Team Esau.
Charles Widmore - also wants to get back to the island, again regardless of Jacob's direct instruction. Hard to say if either Jacob or Esau has an influence of the island, but interestingly, is adament on keeping Locke (as Bentham) alive.
Richard Alpert - Richard is some sort of median between the island and it's inhabtants, knows a lot about Jacob, yet for some reason isn't the connection between Jacob and the island dwellers...instead, he's just a guidance counselor...I don't understand why Richard just doesn't fill the roll of leader/Jacob communicator...but maybe it has something to do with the fact he doesn't age... anyway, Richard is told by Locke-Incarnate that he needs to tell Locke he must go back to the get the Oceanic 6 and the way to do is by dying. So Locke/Bentham's idea of having to die, originates NOT with Richard, but rather by Locke-Incarnate, so while Richard maybe playing for Team Jacob, he can be manipulated by Team Esau.
Christian-Incarnate - part of the problem with determining Christian-Incarnate's team is hard, because his words and actions don't clearly support either Jacob or Esau...going back to the first season, he's there as a white rabbit for Jack to step up as a leader and help the Oceanic survivors continue to survive... Christian-Incarnate then isn't seen for another two seasons. He next shows up in Jacob's cabin, claiming to be able to speak on behalf of Jacob. Then again to let Michael know he's done serving the island. Then later still to spirit away Claire. And then once again to show Locke the way to the donkey wheel. When Locke tells him about Richard saying he's going to have to die, Christian-Incarnate simply replies, that's why they call it a sacrifice, seemingly then to back up and reinforce the notion of Locke having to die.
That's all my brain can handle for now.
Benjamin Linus - Ben's end goal seems to be to get back to the island, regardless of Jacob's intentions or anyone else, so in that vein he is using the Oceanic 6 and Bentham to get back there. Later on in the season, once he's back on the island, Locke-Incarnate with the aid of Smokey-Alex manipulate Ben into 1) not kill Locke-Incarnate and to 2) kill Jacob. Being convinced into killing Jacob, it seems as though Ben is playing for/manipulated by Team Esau.
Charles Widmore - also wants to get back to the island, again regardless of Jacob's direct instruction. Hard to say if either Jacob or Esau has an influence of the island, but interestingly, is adament on keeping Locke (as Bentham) alive.
Richard Alpert - Richard is some sort of median between the island and it's inhabtants, knows a lot about Jacob, yet for some reason isn't the connection between Jacob and the island dwellers...instead, he's just a guidance counselor...I don't understand why Richard just doesn't fill the roll of leader/Jacob communicator...but maybe it has something to do with the fact he doesn't age... anyway, Richard is told by Locke-Incarnate that he needs to tell Locke he must go back to the get the Oceanic 6 and the way to do is by dying. So Locke/Bentham's idea of having to die, originates NOT with Richard, but rather by Locke-Incarnate, so while Richard maybe playing for Team Jacob, he can be manipulated by Team Esau.
Christian-Incarnate - part of the problem with determining Christian-Incarnate's team is hard, because his words and actions don't clearly support either Jacob or Esau...going back to the first season, he's there as a white rabbit for Jack to step up as a leader and help the Oceanic survivors continue to survive... Christian-Incarnate then isn't seen for another two seasons. He next shows up in Jacob's cabin, claiming to be able to speak on behalf of Jacob. Then again to let Michael know he's done serving the island. Then later still to spirit away Claire. And then once again to show Locke the way to the donkey wheel. When Locke tells him about Richard saying he's going to have to die, Christian-Incarnate simply replies, that's why they call it a sacrifice, seemingly then to back up and reinforce the notion of Locke having to die.
That's all my brain can handle for now.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
why i heart chuck (and you should too)
I've caught on by now that the first 72 hours of Paul being away are the hardest and it's hard to stick to routine, so I tend to lean towards distraction to not think about the absent hubby.
Currently, I am distracting myself with Chuck season 2. I heart Chuck and here are some of the reasons why:
1) Chuck is a member of Buy More's Nerd Herd, because yes, our hero is a nerd, and I just generally like nerds, and is thus a fun character to follow.
2) Adam Baldwin. And while his character John Casey is very similar to his Firefly persona Jayne, who's to say that you should change a good thing? (target practice: bin Laden, shoot; Hitler, shoot; Reagan, hold fire)
3) Tony Hale. Again, another awesome supporting actor. He was great as Buster in Arrested Development, and while he didn't join the cast till the second season, he always entertains.
4) Cake. C'mon, any show to use a song by Cake ("Short Skirt, Long Jacket" in this case) as the theme is simply cool.
Currently, I am distracting myself with Chuck season 2. I heart Chuck and here are some of the reasons why:
1) Chuck is a member of Buy More's Nerd Herd, because yes, our hero is a nerd, and I just generally like nerds, and is thus a fun character to follow.
2) Adam Baldwin. And while his character John Casey is very similar to his Firefly persona Jayne, who's to say that you should change a good thing? (target practice: bin Laden, shoot; Hitler, shoot; Reagan, hold fire)
3) Tony Hale. Again, another awesome supporting actor. He was great as Buster in Arrested Development, and while he didn't join the cast till the second season, he always entertains.
4) Cake. C'mon, any show to use a song by Cake ("Short Skirt, Long Jacket" in this case) as the theme is simply cool.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
reading list status
Lately finished:
Servolution by Dino Rizzo: Aside from my dislike of mashing the word serve with the slightly overused revolution, it's an easy read about the founding and continuing ministry at Healing Place Church in Baton Rouge, LA. It also offers an outline of how to adapt some of their techniques and philosphies to other ministries, but if you are already familiar with dreaming up ministry philosophies, it doesn't offer anything that new (or at least it didn't really present anything new to me, but I probably read more about structuring ministries, etc. than the average person). I would reccommend this book as a 101 level of "rethinking" church resource.
Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller: After years of hearing praise for Miller's Blue Like Jazz, I ended up being drawn more to this story of Don's roadtrip from Texas to Grand Canyon to Oregon. It was an interesting read, it seemed more like a memoir though than a new ways to think about God and/or Christianity (which is what I was expecting for some reason...). MIller shares a lot about his views adn idea of God during this journey, and while I value his willingness to share and openess, it didn't feel like anything new...which reflecting that I'm saying this about two books in row, maybe I've grown a little hard-hearted...It's good, and I'm looking forward to reading his other books (especially with all the things I'm hearing about his latest), and this wasn't a bad place to start since chronilogically in Miller's life, this was the frist journey.
Salvation on the Small Screen? 24 Hours of Christian Television by Nadia Bolz-Weber: In the vein of The Year of Living Biblically by AJ Jacobs, Bolz-Weber, a Lutheran minister, watches 24 straight hours of the Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN). Looking at the content, intended audience, products offered, and Biblical soundness (Bolz-Weber would also have visitors spend portions of the day viewing, many of whom have various masters or doctartes in Divinity). It's interesting, that while she expects to be horrified by what's going on TBN (televangelists preying on shut-ins for monetary gifts; iirelevant teaching; etc.), by the end, Bolz-Weber is able to draw connections and ask some interesting questions not only of the Christianity represented on TBN, but also in her own emerging Lutheran church camp. It's a very quick read, and I greatly enjoyed it and would also reccommend it.
In the midst of:
The Books of Pellinor by Alison Croggon: This is a four book young adult fantasy series a friend reccommended and I'm currently on the final installment. It's decent...I would only reccommend it to other YA readers, and even then only if they like fantasy.
On Deck:
Total Church by Tim Chester & Steve Timmis (yes, I've finally retrieved it from carry-on bag and have placed it on top of the pile_
Uglies by Scott Westerfield (I like to read fiction before going to bed, while I reserve non-fiction for other times of the day, so this will take over the pre-bedtime slot when Pellinor is through)
Flickering Pixels: How Technology Shapes Your Faith by Simon Higgs (in reality I've already read the first 3 or 4 chapters, but I really want to explore more of the ideas Higgs presents and take the time to reflect and journal when reading, so this might be pushed back still...)
Speaking My Mind: The Radical Evangelical Prophet Tackles the Tough Issues Christians Are Afraid to Face by Tony Campolo (I'm intrigued to read this because I've been thinking and debating a lot lately of gay marriage (and marriage in general especially as what is marriage as defined by God and what is marriage as defined by government and are they same thing, should they be the same thing, etc.?) and while there are many books out there I'd like to read regarding this subject matter (I'm most interested in Love Is An Orientation by Andrew Martin, but it's not available at the Clarksville library...nor is it sitting on the shelves of either of the major chain bookstores...), they're a bit hard to come by
Servolution by Dino Rizzo: Aside from my dislike of mashing the word serve with the slightly overused revolution, it's an easy read about the founding and continuing ministry at Healing Place Church in Baton Rouge, LA. It also offers an outline of how to adapt some of their techniques and philosphies to other ministries, but if you are already familiar with dreaming up ministry philosophies, it doesn't offer anything that new (or at least it didn't really present anything new to me, but I probably read more about structuring ministries, etc. than the average person). I would reccommend this book as a 101 level of "rethinking" church resource.
Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller: After years of hearing praise for Miller's Blue Like Jazz, I ended up being drawn more to this story of Don's roadtrip from Texas to Grand Canyon to Oregon. It was an interesting read, it seemed more like a memoir though than a new ways to think about God and/or Christianity (which is what I was expecting for some reason...). MIller shares a lot about his views adn idea of God during this journey, and while I value his willingness to share and openess, it didn't feel like anything new...which reflecting that I'm saying this about two books in row, maybe I've grown a little hard-hearted...It's good, and I'm looking forward to reading his other books (especially with all the things I'm hearing about his latest), and this wasn't a bad place to start since chronilogically in Miller's life, this was the frist journey.
Salvation on the Small Screen? 24 Hours of Christian Television by Nadia Bolz-Weber: In the vein of The Year of Living Biblically by AJ Jacobs, Bolz-Weber, a Lutheran minister, watches 24 straight hours of the Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN). Looking at the content, intended audience, products offered, and Biblical soundness (Bolz-Weber would also have visitors spend portions of the day viewing, many of whom have various masters or doctartes in Divinity). It's interesting, that while she expects to be horrified by what's going on TBN (televangelists preying on shut-ins for monetary gifts; iirelevant teaching; etc.), by the end, Bolz-Weber is able to draw connections and ask some interesting questions not only of the Christianity represented on TBN, but also in her own emerging Lutheran church camp. It's a very quick read, and I greatly enjoyed it and would also reccommend it.
In the midst of:
The Books of Pellinor by Alison Croggon: This is a four book young adult fantasy series a friend reccommended and I'm currently on the final installment. It's decent...I would only reccommend it to other YA readers, and even then only if they like fantasy.
On Deck:
Total Church by Tim Chester & Steve Timmis (yes, I've finally retrieved it from carry-on bag and have placed it on top of the pile_
Uglies by Scott Westerfield (I like to read fiction before going to bed, while I reserve non-fiction for other times of the day, so this will take over the pre-bedtime slot when Pellinor is through)
Flickering Pixels: How Technology Shapes Your Faith by Simon Higgs (in reality I've already read the first 3 or 4 chapters, but I really want to explore more of the ideas Higgs presents and take the time to reflect and journal when reading, so this might be pushed back still...)
Speaking My Mind: The Radical Evangelical Prophet Tackles the Tough Issues Christians Are Afraid to Face by Tony Campolo (I'm intrigued to read this because I've been thinking and debating a lot lately of gay marriage (and marriage in general especially as what is marriage as defined by God and what is marriage as defined by government and are they same thing, should they be the same thing, etc.?) and while there are many books out there I'd like to read regarding this subject matter (I'm most interested in Love Is An Orientation by Andrew Martin, but it's not available at the Clarksville library...nor is it sitting on the shelves of either of the major chain bookstores...), they're a bit hard to come by
Monday, November 2, 2009
hedgeapple
Today I walked for several miles to enjoy the lovely weather and geocache. The Clarksville Greenway lays atop a now defunct railway path and offers some wonderful views. And a fun autumn find: hedgeapples!
Found a hedgeapple/osage orange. The texture is so amazing.
Found a hedgeapple/osage orange. The texture is so amazing.
Around 1630 there was an echoing of loud booms. I'm pretty sure that was my husband. Can't wait for him to be home on Wednesday.
The creepiest spider I've ever seen in person that didn't have a nice layer of glass between us.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
purchasing pumpkins
Excited by the possibility of handing out candy to children dressed as pirates, princess, and other things, I wanted to make sure they knew that they could come to our door for said candy, and the best way to advertise free candy? A jack-o-lantern.
Except that week, due either to time restraint or gallons of water pouring down a pumpkin was not to be gotten. Which left pumpkin purchasing till the day of...
Attempt #1: Walmart. Our super Walmart has everything; groceries, electronics, lube jobs and when we walked in a giant wreath proclaiming "Seasons Greetings"... but no pumpkins (we did however pick up a new Xbox game).
Attempt #2: Gordon Food Service. If you ever wanted to pretend to own a restuarant, this is the place to go. Previously in October, they had a huge cardboard trough filled with perfectly sized for carved pumpkins. Day of, free samples of hot cider...but no pumpkins (the cider was decent).
Attepmt #3: Kroger. Besides Walmart, really the only other place to buy groceries is Kroger and while some of their prices maybe slightly higher, their produce and bakery departments offer much more than Walmart. Though that day they had one striking thing in common with Walmart...no pumpkins (though at this point we bandied about the idea of carving a watermelon).
Driving home in defeat, there on a hill on the side of the road a simple plywood sign reads "Farm Fresh Produce" and surrounding this sign: pumpkins.
Pull in and we are in Pumpkin Wonderland. Deserted Pumpkin Wonderland. Pumpkins lay all over, gourds stacked high in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but not a farm fresh producer anywhere. Including the near by farmhouse.
Our solution to making this transaction? We left the following in a note:
Evening fell, leaves rustled by our jack-o-lantarn angled ever so smarted by our now inviting door which was not knocked on once.
Except that week, due either to time restraint or gallons of water pouring down a pumpkin was not to be gotten. Which left pumpkin purchasing till the day of...
Attempt #1: Walmart. Our super Walmart has everything; groceries, electronics, lube jobs and when we walked in a giant wreath proclaiming "Seasons Greetings"... but no pumpkins (we did however pick up a new Xbox game).
Attempt #2: Gordon Food Service. If you ever wanted to pretend to own a restuarant, this is the place to go. Previously in October, they had a huge cardboard trough filled with perfectly sized for carved pumpkins. Day of, free samples of hot cider...but no pumpkins (the cider was decent).
Attepmt #3: Kroger. Besides Walmart, really the only other place to buy groceries is Kroger and while some of their prices maybe slightly higher, their produce and bakery departments offer much more than Walmart. Though that day they had one striking thing in common with Walmart...no pumpkins (though at this point we bandied about the idea of carving a watermelon).
Driving home in defeat, there on a hill on the side of the road a simple plywood sign reads "Farm Fresh Produce" and surrounding this sign: pumpkins.
Pull in and we are in Pumpkin Wonderland. Deserted Pumpkin Wonderland. Pumpkins lay all over, gourds stacked high in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but not a farm fresh producer anywhere. Including the near by farmhouse.
Our solution to making this transaction? We left the following in a note:
Hello! We are excited to buy a pumpkin, but it appears that no one is home. We are not entirely sure how much you want for the pumpkins in the bin marked 45 200, but we took a pumpkin from that bin and have enclosed $5. Thanks!
Evening fell, leaves rustled by our jack-o-lantarn angled ever so smarted by our now inviting door which was not knocked on once.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
new toys
Today Paul spoiled me with an iPhone (from which I am writing this from)! It was very unexpected as we were only going to the store to replace his lost phone and him add to my family plan. He was planning on getting one for himself as we tend to get into rather odd debates and often arrive home with a list of items to lookup on wikipedia to verify/prove the other wrong. We also learned that I've had my trusty blue KRZR for two years. I didn't really see the need to trade in phone unless I could also get something cool and spiffy, and viola, he spoiled me.
He's sweet like that.
He's sweet like that.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Black & Bleu Bison Burgers
Ingredients:
1 lb ground Bison meat
1/3 sweet/yellow onion
4 strips bacon (cut in half)
4 oz crumbled bleu cheese
4 hamburger buns
1 lb ground Bison meat
1/3 sweet/yellow onion
4 strips bacon (cut in half)
4 oz crumbled bleu cheese
4 hamburger buns
Caramelize onions; set aside.
Fry up bacon; set aside on paper towels.
Toast buns at 350 during the next steps.
Mix in a few dashes of salt and pepper into the bison and split into four 4 oz. patties.
On stove top, heat patties for 3-4 minutes on each side heat set on medium-high.
After patties are cooked, remove buns from oven and set oven to broil.
On top of patties layer bacon, onions, then cheese.
Broil in oven for 1-3 minutes (till cheese is melted and bacon is cracklin').
You now have some tasty black & blue bison burgers!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Servolution - Intro & Chapter One
Two books unexpectedly arrived at my door this past week: Servolution by Dino Rizzo and Total Church by Tim Chester and Steve Timmis (they were sent to me from Deets in some sort of thank you circle).
So first up in my reading is Servolution, tag line: Starting a church revolution through serving.
Intro
In the introduction, Dino starts off with explaining his underlying motive to serving: That God values everyone and wants them as his own, not matter the cost. More so, not only does God wants us as his own, those that are his are let in on the mission of pointing others to God.
He calls the church to look beyond themselves, but rather to those not already in on the mission, and the best way to do that is by serving them. It sort of reminds me of JFK's whole "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" mantra. Don't ask yourself what you're going to get out of the church this day, week, month, etc, but rather how you can serve the people around you.
I'm on board so far; growing up in a youth group that was modeled on the five Purpose Driven(TM) characteristics for a ministry, this make sense as one of those five characteristics is serving others.
Quick background: the five purposes of a church/ministry are (in Rick Warren's vernacular): Worship, Fellowship, Discipleship, Ministry, and Mission. These five aspects are taken from The Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) and The Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37-40). In this case Ministry would constitute service to others ("...love your neighbor...").
In the introduction, Rizzo references Jude 23 with the emphasize seemingly on the idea of "..to others show mercy..."
Jesus taught heavily on ministering to others (especially those in less fortunate positions that would sometimes by overlooked by other religious leaders of the day), the early church is rife with examples of believers coming together and serving one another.
Rizzo is not stating a new idea here (which is good, because the church should always be looking to back what they have done (i.e. serving widows and orphans), and what needs to shift through the times is the how it is done (i.e. providing left over wheat from the harvest in a bygone era to something more practical today's culture, like free to low-cost school supplies for single parent families).
Chapter One: The Beginning of a Servolution - Forty-Five Tons of Tea
I'm simply going to take the definition that is given in the opening section of this chapter word for word and copy it here:
Personally, I'm not a big fan of the word servolution. Note, I'm a fan of the idea/meaning of the phase, it's the physicality of smashing the word serve and revolution together. The phrase Serve Revolution would have sufficed, though to be honest the word revolution is a pop-culture word that the Christian sub-culture has latched onto a few years after pop-culture and are riding it for all it's worth. Again, this isn't that what the author is saying is wrong, it's just that it's a bit disappointing to see an example of slight culture pirating and I needed to get it out my system.
Oh, I should mention too if the subtitle of the chapter is a bit confusing, it's a reference to the Boston Tea Party, which Rizzo likens to the start of his own revolution - that at the time, no one knew what one seemingly insignificant (OK, filling Boston harbor was too insignificant, but considering what it was only leading up to...) incident could lead up to. His started with an unexpected offering from John Osteen (father of Joel) after pouring out his ideas for ministry. John wrote him a check and told him to start a church for the poor and hurting in Baton Rouge.
As with most starting up church plant's, attendance that first Sunday could be counted on both hands, but Rizzo was not to discouraged. His focus was not on Sunday morning sermons, but rather on helping people in the community.
By performing simple acts of kindness (visiting a widow with terminal cancer) and service (helping a single mom move) the congregation began to grow. After hosting a church wide dinner, he states:
The chapter closes up with a section entitled, "Servolution Strategy" in which the author offers several steps to follow as well as posing some questions. He also emphasizes that when looking for a person or people to serve, to especially consider those on the "bottom" of the list, the types that tend to be overlooked and then identify their needs.
That can be a bit tricky when you think about it. Often we minister to those who are like us because we know what we would like or need, but to brainstorm up something you don't necessarily need yourself, but someone else might, can sometimes be a challenge. I would say that the solution to this is to ask questions. Don't speculate or assume, but rather ask.
It's a good start so far, and very easy read, so hopefully I'll be posting more in the next day or two.
So first up in my reading is Servolution, tag line: Starting a church revolution through serving.
Intro
In the introduction, Dino starts off with explaining his underlying motive to serving: That God values everyone and wants them as his own, not matter the cost. More so, not only does God wants us as his own, those that are his are let in on the mission of pointing others to God.
He calls the church to look beyond themselves, but rather to those not already in on the mission, and the best way to do that is by serving them. It sort of reminds me of JFK's whole "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" mantra. Don't ask yourself what you're going to get out of the church this day, week, month, etc, but rather how you can serve the people around you.
I'm on board so far; growing up in a youth group that was modeled on the five Purpose Driven(TM) characteristics for a ministry, this make sense as one of those five characteristics is serving others.
Quick background: the five purposes of a church/ministry are (in Rick Warren's vernacular): Worship, Fellowship, Discipleship, Ministry, and Mission. These five aspects are taken from The Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) and The Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37-40). In this case Ministry would constitute service to others ("...love your neighbor...").
In the introduction, Rizzo references Jude 23 with the emphasize seemingly on the idea of "..to others show mercy..."
Jesus taught heavily on ministering to others (especially those in less fortunate positions that would sometimes by overlooked by other religious leaders of the day), the early church is rife with examples of believers coming together and serving one another.
Rizzo is not stating a new idea here (which is good, because the church should always be looking to back what they have done (i.e. serving widows and orphans), and what needs to shift through the times is the how it is done (i.e. providing left over wheat from the harvest in a bygone era to something more practical today's culture, like free to low-cost school supplies for single parent families).
Chapter One: The Beginning of a Servolution - Forty-Five Tons of Tea
I'm simply going to take the definition that is given in the opening section of this chapter word for word and copy it here:
What is Servolution? (surv-uh-loo-shuhn)
1. A complete and radical change if a person's life caused by simple acts of kindness for the glory of God
2. God's kingdom on earth as it is in heaven
3. A church revolution through serving
Personally, I'm not a big fan of the word servolution. Note, I'm a fan of the idea/meaning of the phase, it's the physicality of smashing the word serve and revolution together. The phrase Serve Revolution would have sufficed, though to be honest the word revolution is a pop-culture word that the Christian sub-culture has latched onto a few years after pop-culture and are riding it for all it's worth. Again, this isn't that what the author is saying is wrong, it's just that it's a bit disappointing to see an example of slight culture pirating and I needed to get it out my system.
Oh, I should mention too if the subtitle of the chapter is a bit confusing, it's a reference to the Boston Tea Party, which Rizzo likens to the start of his own revolution - that at the time, no one knew what one seemingly insignificant (OK, filling Boston harbor was too insignificant, but considering what it was only leading up to...) incident could lead up to. His started with an unexpected offering from John Osteen (father of Joel) after pouring out his ideas for ministry. John wrote him a check and told him to start a church for the poor and hurting in Baton Rouge.
As with most starting up church plant's, attendance that first Sunday could be counted on both hands, but Rizzo was not to discouraged. His focus was not on Sunday morning sermons, but rather on helping people in the community.
By performing simple acts of kindness (visiting a widow with terminal cancer) and service (helping a single mom move) the congregation began to grow. After hosting a church wide dinner, he states:
"We were learning that whenever you find something that meets a need and makes people excited about coming to church, it is probably worth doing."
The chapter closes up with a section entitled, "Servolution Strategy" in which the author offers several steps to follow as well as posing some questions. He also emphasizes that when looking for a person or people to serve, to especially consider those on the "bottom" of the list, the types that tend to be overlooked and then identify their needs.
That can be a bit tricky when you think about it. Often we minister to those who are like us because we know what we would like or need, but to brainstorm up something you don't necessarily need yourself, but someone else might, can sometimes be a challenge. I would say that the solution to this is to ask questions. Don't speculate or assume, but rather ask.
It's a good start so far, and very easy read, so hopefully I'll be posting more in the next day or two.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
new chapter
OK, so I figure if I actually keep this blog up to date, this is probably the best way to keep everyone (who cares) informed of what all is going on in my life now that I removed from the Pennsylvania scene.
First: I AM MARRIED TO ONE HECK OF AN AWESOME GUY!!! Huzzah!
Second: We went on a cruise to Mexico (where we suffered only the slightest of sunburns...though I'm apparently allergic to whatever is in Banana Boat spray on aloe cooling gel...)
Here are a few pictures:
First: I AM MARRIED TO ONE HECK OF AN AWESOME GUY!!! Huzzah!
Second: We went on a cruise to Mexico (where we suffered only the slightest of sunburns...though I'm apparently allergic to whatever is in Banana Boat spray on aloe cooling gel...)
Here are a few pictures:
B
Third: Since the traditional arrangement of a husband and wife is to live together, I have moved to Clarksville, Tennessee to keep that tradition going.
Fourth: I am still working for Collages.net, via tele-commuting...ahh the wonders of technology.
Fifth: I'm not simply a wife, I am a military wife, and I'm learning that means I have to share my husband with the US government. Which means he's working overnight. Which means I miss him terribly and writing this entry maybe a part of my attempts at distracting myself from his absence. Future distractions for this evening invloce driving around Clarksville getting a lay of the land...and possibly some Starbucks.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
there's hope for every fallen man
If being broken is the price of remaining reliant on God, it's more than worth the price.
I watched The Village the other evening and I forgot how much I love that movie. The imagery, the music, and the beautiful truths that it shares. So many possibilities for object lessons. But the idea that is sticking out to me is the idea of seeing light when others can only see darkness. It's not easy to see hope all the time and in every situation, but I am trying to do so and I think recently I've been doing a pretty decent job of it.
And of course, because I think too much that reminds me of something else, and I'm probably leaving a few steps out (or maybe this is more evident), but it also reminds me of those Good Friday services Grace Point has each year. As the story of Christ's cruxifiction and death unfold, candles are extinguished one after another. Until that darkest of all moments, when Christ breathed his last and the final candle is snuffed leaving the room void of all light; the situation seemingly hopeless.
But then, that last candle is re-lit, because while it seemed all was lost, hope still remained.
The whole light representing hope is a common theme that is often woven into story lines. I think of the light Frodo is given in The Lord of the Rings. Harvey Dent's speech about how it's always darkest before the dawn in The Dark Knight.
The idea of hope is woven into the fabric of humanity.
But it's not always easy to see. Sometimes it seems diminished, even faded away all together. But it's not. There's always. Or at least there's always hope where it truly matters and it is needed the most.
I may not know how, or why, or when something will work out, but I see the hope. It's there. And I trust that God will bring it about in His timing, to His glory.
He is close to the brokenhearted. He'll restore hope. He'll shed light.
My heart's about to break;
I'm a burned-out case...
What I do, God, is wait for you,
wait for my Lord, my God—you will answer!
Psalm 38:10, 14 (The Message)
I watched The Village the other evening and I forgot how much I love that movie. The imagery, the music, and the beautiful truths that it shares. So many possibilities for object lessons. But the idea that is sticking out to me is the idea of seeing light when others can only see darkness. It's not easy to see hope all the time and in every situation, but I am trying to do so and I think recently I've been doing a pretty decent job of it.
And of course, because I think too much that reminds me of something else, and I'm probably leaving a few steps out (or maybe this is more evident), but it also reminds me of those Good Friday services Grace Point has each year. As the story of Christ's cruxifiction and death unfold, candles are extinguished one after another. Until that darkest of all moments, when Christ breathed his last and the final candle is snuffed leaving the room void of all light; the situation seemingly hopeless.
But then, that last candle is re-lit, because while it seemed all was lost, hope still remained.
The whole light representing hope is a common theme that is often woven into story lines. I think of the light Frodo is given in The Lord of the Rings. Harvey Dent's speech about how it's always darkest before the dawn in The Dark Knight.
The idea of hope is woven into the fabric of humanity.
But it's not always easy to see. Sometimes it seems diminished, even faded away all together. But it's not. There's always. Or at least there's always hope where it truly matters and it is needed the most.
I may not know how, or why, or when something will work out, but I see the hope. It's there. And I trust that God will bring it about in His timing, to His glory.
He is close to the brokenhearted. He'll restore hope. He'll shed light.
My heart's about to break;
I'm a burned-out case...
What I do, God, is wait for you,
wait for my Lord, my God—you will answer!
Psalm 38:10, 14 (The Message)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
The key to writing is to simply do it. Though I suppose to the key to just about anything is to do it. If you are a firefighter it because you fight fires. If you are a chef is because you prepare meals. So if you are a writer, you should be writing.
I call myself a writer, yet I find myself shrugging off the actual responsibility of writing.
That is changing. I'm going to find my voice and tell the stories that have been building up. Stories of love, and adventure, and daring, and good fighting evil, because these are the stories I cherish and want others to come to love as well.
They are my stories in that they declare what is true of my heart, the core of what I am.
I just need to the courage to tell them. I want the courage, I want to share, but I still find myself intimidated by the prospect, the vulnerability of putting those stories out there for others to form opinions of. Those stories are an extension of my heart; so a story ill-received is a heart ill-received.
The stories easiest to tell are the ones that I have lived for myself. Not exactly event for event, or word for word, but the emotions that are conveyed; the struggles that are conquered or yielded to.
I'm still looking for all the right words to tell the story of betrayal...the story where she feels betrayed only to discover that in actuality it was she that did the deceiving. The stories of paradox. Those stories speak to me, that just fall in on themselves, because there is seldom ever a straight line. Things are folded over, here and there, and several times over.
It all fits together and I want to help put things as they should, I just need to figure out how.
And there is also something to be said for being both clear and concise, and habit I am still in need of developing...
I call myself a writer, yet I find myself shrugging off the actual responsibility of writing.
That is changing. I'm going to find my voice and tell the stories that have been building up. Stories of love, and adventure, and daring, and good fighting evil, because these are the stories I cherish and want others to come to love as well.
They are my stories in that they declare what is true of my heart, the core of what I am.
I just need to the courage to tell them. I want the courage, I want to share, but I still find myself intimidated by the prospect, the vulnerability of putting those stories out there for others to form opinions of. Those stories are an extension of my heart; so a story ill-received is a heart ill-received.
The stories easiest to tell are the ones that I have lived for myself. Not exactly event for event, or word for word, but the emotions that are conveyed; the struggles that are conquered or yielded to.
I'm still looking for all the right words to tell the story of betrayal...the story where she feels betrayed only to discover that in actuality it was she that did the deceiving. The stories of paradox. Those stories speak to me, that just fall in on themselves, because there is seldom ever a straight line. Things are folded over, here and there, and several times over.
It all fits together and I want to help put things as they should, I just need to figure out how.
And there is also something to be said for being both clear and concise, and habit I am still in need of developing...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
change the world
So there's a saying these days about how one should be the change they want to see happen and I think I'm going to try it.
I'm not going to first play by the rules Ithink know aren't the best.
I'm not going to comply with a flawed system simply so I can state that it's flawed.
I'm not going to do what is typical, because the typical for most people isn't what I'm after.
I'm God is going to change the world, and the change has already started within me.
I'm not going to first play by the rules I
I'm not going to comply with a flawed system simply so I can state that it's flawed.
I'm not going to do what is typical, because the typical for most people isn't what I'm after.
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