Let Joy In

This was originally written March 23rd, 2016.




Currently, the way God has been at work in me is in the contemplation of Joy.

Back in February, I attended a local IF: Gathering. At the end of the conference, everyone was encouraged to take a domino and to record in the simplest words possible, what their take away from the teachings was. On mine, I wrote Let Joy In

But long before even February, God had been planting seeds of Joy in my heart as I learned looking back through notes and journals.

The notion of Joy first crept into my heart at the start of Advent. Advent has always been a treasured season: Malcolm was born a Christmas, Paul proposed to me on a Christmas. The story of the first Advent has always captured my imagination. So much so that I have a small tattoo derived from Luke 1:38.

So this past December, on the 13th, I was struck yet again on teachings about Mary and her part in the story. The pastor observed that "When God intersects with humans, he promises Joy and Challenges." Which is kind of a nice way to say "suffering."

But it also helped to put suffering into a context. Typically, when I hear the word suffering, I immediately jump to thoughts of intense physical torture, or extreme mental and emotional anguish. But sometimes suffering will present itself as challenge (which can be defined as an obstacle to overcome).

For Mary, the challenge was accepting the call Gabriel has relayed to her-- to risk her's (and Joseph's) reputation to be the mother of Messiah as well as be the mother of Messiah. For me, the challenge that Sunday morning was wrestling with grief for Stephen, the baby I had to say goodbye to sooner than I would have wanted. And the fear and anxiety that accompanies possible infertility, yearning to grow my family, but knowing that it can be a painful process.

Mary responds with Joy. She offers God a song of praise. It is an extraordinary response, to cling to joy in light of challenges or suffering because when we're attacked by the enemy, he knows that he can't touch our salvation, so he'll often come at us sideways and seek to destroy by us other means, like robbing our joy.

I ended my notes that morning with the phrase, "Dare to Hope." Two days later, I found out I was pregnant.

I did not respond with joy, or a song of praise or even a prayer of thanksgiving. I sank into a different, yet familiar, sense of fear and anxiety: that this pregnancy wouldn't last and I would have to say goodbye to yet another baby. I was having trouble praying for myself, but the Lord surrounded me with those who prayed on my behalf during this time.

By the time February had rolled around, the pregnancy was progressing normally. Multiple medical professionals reassured me that I should be looking forward to a normal and healthy pregnancy that should result in a normal and healthy baby.

But still in my mind, I heard a whisper, "God doesn't promise normal, healthy, and whole babies." I wasn't praying for a healthy and whole baby as I couldn't bring myself to hope for something God doesn't promise. And that is the mindset I found myself in as I attended the IF: Gathering.

Angie Smith was a speaker that weekend. I had never heard of her or her story prior, and as she shared the circumstances of why she was speaking, it added to the depth of how God used her to speak to me. She started with a confession: she wasn't originally scheduled to speak because when she was asked to, she had actually declined the opportunity. Then, just a few hours prior to her taking the stage, she told a friend, aloud, that she thought she had acted in disobedience to God by declining the opportunity. This admission was overheard by conference's founder, so timetables were adjusted and Angie was given a short window to speak, to say yes.

Angie spoke on the story of Abraham's faith found in Genesis 22. The story starts in verse 1:

Sometime later God tested Abraham. He said to him, 'Abraham!' 'Here I am,' he replied. Then God said, 'Take your son, your only son, whom you love-- Isaac-- and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show.'

Most of us are familiar with the story, but what Angie highlighted, was the seeming discrepancy between verse 8, where Abraham responds to Isaac with:

God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son 

and then in verse 13 we read:

Abraham looked up and there in the thicket, he saw a ram caught by his its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 

Her point in sharing this observation was "I am not certain about the ram, but I am certain of the lamb."

God gives us promises, and he'll also give us provisions. Abraham clung to God's promise of a lamb, but along the way received the provision of a ram.

What does that mean to be unsure of the ram but certain of the lamb? I've taken it to mean that God gives us promises that we can cling to and have confidence in, just as Abraham clung the promise of a lamb. But sometimes God will give us a provision. A ram wasn't the promise Abraham had put his faith in, but was instead able to complete his act of faith that provision of a ram. I still am not able to pray in confidence for a healthy and whole baby, because that is merely a provision.

But what I can pray for and have confidence in is that God does promises his love for this child as well as his love for me regardless of what is happening around us, as it says in Isaiah 54:10:

For the mountains may move    and the hills disappear,but even then my faithful love for you will remain.    My covenant of blessing will never be broken,”    says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

I can pray that whatever may come, I will remember and cling to Jesus' promise of Shalom (wholeness) he gives in John 14:27:

I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

And so we end up back at the topic of Joy. I knew that by denying Hope, and maintaining lowly expectations, I was also denying Joy. A friend a few days ago shared a quote from Karl Barth that left me deeply convicted: "Joy is the simplest form of Gratitude." I hadn't been experiencing joy about this pregnancy, and I realized that I wasn't even practicing Gratitude for it.

As I said before, I can't cling to a promise of a healthy and whole baby, but for every bout of heartburn, every crazy mood swing, and every bump, thump, and wiggle I feel is an opportunity to practice gratitude and start to let the Joy enter by choosing it over teh fear and anxiety.

Psalm 103 (MSG)

O my soul, bless God.
    From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name!
O my soul, bless God,
    don’t forget a single blessing!

 He forgives your sins—every one.
    He heals your diseases—every one.
    He redeems you from hell—saves your life!
    He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown.
    He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal.
    He renews your youth—you’re always young in his presence.

 God makes everything come out right;
    he puts victims back on their feet.
He showed Moses how he went about his work,
    opened up his plans to all Israel.
God is sheer mercy and grace;
    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
    nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins.
As parents feel for their children,
    God feels for those who fear him.
He knows us inside and out,
    keeps in mind that we’re made of mud.
Men and women don’t live very long;
    like wildflowers they spring up and blossom,
But a storm snuffs them out just as quickly,
    leaving nothing to show they were here.
God’s love, though, is ever and always,
    eternally present to all who fear him,
Making everything right for them and their children
    as they follow his Covenant ways
    and remember to do whatever he said.

 God has set his throne in heaven;
    he rules over us all. He’s the King!
So bless God, you angels,
    ready and able to fly at his bidding,
    quick to hear and do what he says.
Bless God, all you armies of angels,
    alert to respond to whatever he wills.
Bless God, all creatures, wherever you are—
    everything and everyone made by God.

And you, O my soul, bless God!